MHS Teens Talk About Drinks & Drugs, Adults Listen

Tables Reversed at RADAR’s Youth Dialogue Day

by Joan R. Simon

(May 22, 2008) It was the teenagers’ turn to talk and the adults (many of whom are parents) to listen at Youth Dialogue Day on May 21st. The morning colloquium was sponsored by RADAR (Responsible Action: A Drug and Alcohol Resource), a Larchmont/Mamaroneck community coalition whose mission is to reduce teen use of drugs and alcohol. (See: RADAR Gets $500K* to Combat Teen Alcohol & Drug Use;and Alcohol and Drug Use Rises Among MHS Students.)

Attending the event were approximately 50 community leaders, including county legislator Judy Myers, the supervisor or mayor of all three local municipalities and some of their trustees; school officials, including Superintendent Paul Fried, high school and middle school administrators, and school board members; and representatives from law enforcement, prevention and youth agencies, local businesses, civic organizations, health care and faith based institutions, as well as parent groups, including the PTAs..

The goal of the day, explained high school social worker Helene Fremder, was to “take a step back and listen to what [the students] have to say.” And the panel of ten juniors and seniors had plenty to say -- about stress, communication, drinking and drugs, the internet, drinking and driving, parental expectations, and, yes, more stress.

First on the agenda was a film made by students at the high school’s APPLE (A Place People Learn Excellence) program about “a day in the life a MHS student” showcasing the very busy lives of several students with diverse experiences. This set the stage for a give and take between the students on what life is like for a teenager today. Inevitably the discussion led to the “social crutches”: drinking and drugs.

Pressure to Drink

Senior Ben Roberts said, even “when I was in 7th grade, I knew I was probably going to do it [drink] later” when he was in high school. Junior Alisa Santangelo agreed that “as soon as you get to high school and you’re around older kids” the drinking starts.

The social pressure is always there, they maintained. Senior Sally Mairs said “it’s impossible to stay with a group of friends who drink without drinking” yourself. Ben concurred, citing an example of five friends who started out using marijuana. From “Monday to Wednesday they talked about last weekend, and on Thursday and Friday, they talk about next weekend," and it was all about smoking marijauna. When three of them stopped using it, the group broke up, the smokers going one way, the non-smokers another.

Mark Levy, director of the Community Counseling Center and one of the facilitators, asked: “How can we make it cool” not to drink or take drugs? The panelists themselves have found their own ways. Varsity lacrosse player Nick Chirekos gives credit to his sports experience. “The coach is very strict,” he said. “Kids sit on the bench because they have been caught.” Alisa said her experience with the volunteer ambulance corps has shown her the results of drinking. “We see what happens,” she said, when “someone crashes into a pole.”

But the teens did not have any easy answers for the student community as a whole. “Saying ‘completely don’t do it’ isn’t effective,” APPLE student Jessica Buck remarked. Making the message too "drastic" was counterproductive, she said.

“People are still going to do it,” Ben agreed. “It’s what everybody does.” He also pointed out that kids learn about drinking from popular movies like “American Pie” and “SuperBad”. “We’re dealing with a really big issue,” he emphasized.

Drinking and Driving

Why do kids drink? Most agreed self-esteem had a lot to do with it. “Helping kids feel more secure,” Sally said, will “make it so kids are drinking less.” They “feel more comfortable at parties” when they can drink, she noted, which led to a discussion of how kids get home from those parties. Now that SafeRides, the “no questions asked” weekend evening free ride program, has been discontinued at the high school, the risk of drinking and driving is greater, but Sally said she thought designated drivers were “pretty common.” The teens also said it was important for kids to feel they could call their parents at anytime of the day or night.

College and Stress

Underlying the entire discussion was the feeling that kids today are under much more stress than they have ever been. “College expectations are much higher,” Jessica said. “The whole process is just very stressful.” Senior Alex Michaels agreed. “The competition for college is crazy,” he said. Superintendent Paul Fried lent his support to the students. “You are growing up in one of the most competitive areas in the country,” he said. “It doesn’t get any more stressful than this.”

Parental Expectations

Where do parents fit in? Sarah Karmoune said, “Parent expectations are so high. Parents have a very different image of their kids,” from the one teens often have of themselves. There’s a tendency for parents to think: “’My kid’s the good kid.’” She warned that this attitude can shut down communication. “Kids don’t want to let their parents down.”

Ben suggested that there is “too much nagging” and that “parents need to relax a little.” Everyone seemed to agree that communication between parents and kids was vital and “trusting your kids” was an essential ingredient to improving the dialogue.

Perils of the Internet

While the internet is an important tool for teenagers today and provides “so many great things we wouldn’t want to get rid of it,” as one panelist remarked, it is also a major source of strife among them. Jessica described it as “a wall” you can hide behind where “you can say anything. It’s a whole other world.” Nick added, “It can spread information in a matter of seconds.” Ms. Fremder underscored that threatening or disparaging emails or postings can create untold tension and heartache among students.

Teen Center?

After the adults had broken into groups to discuss what they’d heard from the students and what might come next, the larger group reconvened to share their ideas. The possibility of a teen center dominated the discussion (see: A Teen Center for Mamaroneck and Larchmont?). Senior Harry Brookstein said “we don’t have a place to go” and “we resort to drugs and alcohol because there isn’t anything” to do. He stressed that if you built a center, it would “eventually become popular,” but it might take a while. Several students referred to “The Coast,” the twice yearly dance at Harbor Island, as a popular activity that they’d like more of.

Others weren’t so sure a teen center was the way to go. Lucy Kruljac said “I don’t think having a place is the answer.”

A final question about how the students thought they might handle a teenage child of their own brought a surprising response. After some thought, Harry said, “I’d be scared to pretty much let them go out” at all, citing any amount of drinking as being too risky.

For further information about RADAR, contact Janet Buchbinder, Coordinator: 914-834-6041, Jntmcb@aol.com

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